9/16/2019 0 Comments Empathy The first leadership topic I wanted to cover was empathy. Why? Just visit the statistics page. Whether you are a Baby Boomer, GenXer or a Millennial, chances are you agree on at least one thing, and that is you are feel empathy is a necessity in workplace...and if not, you are willing to leave over it.
I start with empathy, not only because it is clearly important to a vast majority of the workforce, but it is a rather simple skill. Dale Carnegie wrote about it. Let the other person talk about what they want and assist them in achieving it. Pretty simple right? Henry Ford said, "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own." So why is so hard and why is so important? Today, we generally come from and work with all walks a life, contribute that to a global economy, growth in technology, or as it relates to this website, deployments while in the military. Social Media, wait, what? Today, we see opinions from all ranges, all up in our face, whether we want to see them, agree with them or like them or not. Call it opinion analytics! The same thing that is our strength, is our weakness. Unlike years ago, we have the luxury of visiting different cultures and learning a different way. But we have started to become numb to it all. The news feed on our phones, opinionated one way or the other. The Facebook post, opinionated. It becomes so overwhelming to think about each topic and try and see it from another’s point-of-view, that we retreat back into our opinion, so that we too can be seen and heard. However, once we do this, we step out of leadership and into followership. No one will argue that it is hard, harder than it has ever been before, to be empathetic, but if you want to be a great leader, you better start right here. Being a leader isn’t easy, especially when there are more and more voices to hear. You must listen and try to see it from that person’s perspective. You don’t have to agree with it, but if that person values it enough to share it, then helping them achieve it will give you that much more credibility as a leader. So here is my story. A seasoned platoon leader, relatively recently returned from a deployment to Iraq and getting ready to move on my to my next position. We go through the regular post-deployment personnel turnover. Of the bunch is a brand-new warrant officer (not a W01, but a CW2). He was enlisted prior to becoming a warrant, so he wasn’t green to the army by any stretch. At first, he didn’t standout. Seemed like a run of the mil guy, but we didn’t have any helicopters, so I couldn’t really assess him as a pilot. I sat down with him to have a one on one, like I did with every single one of my soldiers I lead as a platoon leader and a commander. Seemed like good guy, not much really to assess him on other than showing up to the right time and place, which included taking a physical fitness test. Now as I said, this guy was no rookie to the army, which means, you know how to prepare and pass a PT test, it wasn’t that hard. On top of that, he was a pretty big guy, looked in decent shape. Here comes the first PT test…epic fail, I mean bad. I think 2 of 3 events. So I sit him down, give him the generic counseling. You failed a PT test, this counseling is for your records, you will have 2 weeks to retrain and take the next test, you are an officer now, we expect you to figure this out on your own, etc. etc. I figured this was a case of lack of physical fitness that occurs at flight school. So that shot across the bow to re-motivate him back into the regular army from TRADOC would be more than enough, after all, he was previously enlisted. Second PT test comes, bombed…I mean somewhat better, but still a fail. At this point, it becomes clear to me that there is no way this guy wants to spoil the luxury of becoming an army pilot, especially after having been enlisted in the army. Rather than sit him down and give him counseling strike two, I have a hear to heart. Only this time, it’s not me doing the talking, it is him and I am doing the listening. After the generic I will do better next boss, speech, I sit. I listen, watch his body language, his pitch and tone. I leave moments of silence. “What else?” Stoned again. “Come on man, I cannot help you if you don’t tell me and I want you to succeed.” Finally, with a little trust established as I put the generic, unwritten counseling form away, he opens up. Turns out, the dude had gone through a divorce during flight school and now was going through a custody battle. Ouch. But what did I know? I was a 27-year-old single guy with no kids. I didn’t know. I wanted to say, sorry man, but these are the rules, so you have two more weeks to figure it out. After all, that would have been the easy way. However, I decided to go against conventional army grain. “Sorry man, I can see how that would be very stressful. Obviously, I cannot give you any advice on the situation, but I can search around and try to find someone who can. More importantly, I want to know what you need from me to help?” It was like no one, especially in the army, ever asked him that question. If he was Stuey from Family Guy, his head would have rotated 90 degrees on his neck. Furthermore, his silence showed he was not prepared for the question. We walked through the steps. He had a lawyer but couldn’t find time to connect with him and work. He needed to clear his mind a bit, and he needed to come up with a plan! “I tell you what, take next week to clear your head, decide what is best for you and more importantly, your daughter, talk to you lawyer and forget the PT test thing for now. Beyond Stuey, his had would have been twirling in circles if it could. “Yeah we aren’t doing anything, we are waiting for our helicopters anyway and I need your head clear for when we start flying again.” I told him to not leave the local area, that I would trust him and to always answer the phone if I called. I told him we would reschedule the PT later, but to keep in mind, I could only postpone it for so much longer, so not to lose focus. A week goes by, you would have thought I performed a miracle. He comes in, just carrying himself in a much more positive manner. He gives me many thanks and tells me to schedule to the PT test for next week. I told him it doesn’t need to happen that soon, but he tells me he is ready. This is a story that ends happily ever after. The guy maxes out his PT test. So yeah, it is that simple. Listen and give them an opportunity. I knew little about this guy, didn’t share a common background and frankly, at that time in my life, couldn’t even imagine it. But I had empathy for him regardless. Now being married and having a child of my own, I see even more how important my decision was. So next time you see that post you or hear that person talk about something you disagree with or cannot understand, rather than tune them out, listen and try and see it from that point-of-view. One, you may learn something and two, you might have just been handed an opportunity to be empathetic…and therefore…a leader.
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